Perhaps my taste buds have gotten a little more finicky about how I like my Malaysian or even Pan-Asian food but even the best restaurants, proudly carrying rave reviews by Time Out, Zagat and The Guardian, have failed my expectations. Being a Malaysian, food is really a simple affair really. The eating process is without frills. I don’t need to be entertained or amused. I just want my tongue to be tantalized. Make a plate of char kuey teow, savoury and well-oiled, salted accordingly, will put a very happy smile on my face. I don’t care if the portions are too small or the restaurant’s deco isn’t exquisite or charming enough-those are secondary. But dish out an over-sweetened one while claiming your restaurant to be the best in London is outlandish, wrong and a terrible sin.

That’s why, I was sorely disappointed by Cha Cha Moon (Ganton Street) after turning up with deep hunger but leaving with an empty stomach. They can’t even spice up the food properly. I ordered a Penang Prawn Noodle dish and I think I was served something that looked like ramen, drenched in sweet orange sauce, topped with a handful of bean sprouts and prawns. You should see my face; it was a face twisted in horror.

I thought Nick claimed, you can everything in the UK! So why can’t I get even a close to authentic char kuey teow, chai tao kuey or prawn noodles?!?!?!

Oh dio, ma che schivo!