Voila-my favourite Italian students!

While I may complain incessantly about my job onboard, there are quite a few rewarding moments where I’ve missed touching on. Life onboard maybe claustrophobic, extremely challenging in terms of professional and personal relationships but nothing beats that moment where my students actually managed to adsorb what I’ve been blabbing on about for the past few weeks and they passed their tests with amazing results and they chat with you fondly whenever they bump into you along the corridors.

With pride and gratitude, I proudly present my students-The Deck Officers who actually made my job and my life a little better.

I miss you all!

Sugiana Ngyakan knocks on my office door, and shuffles in. He looks terrified. I don’t blame the poor boy, after what turned out to be the most grueling lesson two days ago.

At first, we had attempted a simple comprehension passage on the computer. After that, I got him to read the passage aloud. It was about a shopping list, things you had to get before a picnic. He had read the passage-hesitatingly missing most of the ‘S’es and giving incorrect emphasis to certain words. This young Indonesian boy is a Night Cleaner, sweet and shy but rather dreamy. Again and again, I pointed out his mistakes but he had only smiled and repeated them over and again. I had let him be. Then, I had asked him to jot down some vocabulary that I think might be useful. I dictated the words and he jotted it down without a word. When I reviewed his sheet, I realized that he couldn’t spell. And even after I corrected his mistakes, he was still confused. It then dawned me that he doesn’t know the correct pronunciation to the alphabets.

“Okay, the alphabets in English. Now, repeat after me. A, B, C…”
The problem was, he couldn’t remember his Gs and Js and K’s. The hour wore on with me drilling into him the English Alphabet system and him, looking more and more miserable each time. By the end of it, we were both exhausted and there was no progress. He couldn’t remember all 26 of them and neither could he pronounce H, J and K. He cowered under my impatience. I softened after seeing his inevitable confusion. Perhaps he was a slow student at school.
I had relieved him from the class but I made him promise that he’ll memorize the alphabets.
“Miss Ying, you erase board after this? I am shame. Still learning A, B, C,” Sugiana pleaded. I nodded and then he had left, with his head hung low. I had felt awful but it had to be done.

Yesterday, he passed me by at the corridor and he said, “Miss Ying-when is next lesson? I want to be good in English.”
“Tomorrow. Don’t forget what you’ve got to do.”
Today, I had the whiteboard filled with all the alphabets but left some blanks for him to fill in. Slowly, he pronounces each and everyone of them correctly and does not leave a single alphabet out.

“I did it!”
“Yes, indeed you did it. Now that you know the alphabets, shall we continue?”
He eagerly nods. His eyes now gleam with keenness and enthusiasm.

Me teaching

One of my favourite students, an Animator, working on past tenses

If there’s one thing that I need to come to terms with, it’ll be about the practicality and the usefulness of my position as a Crew Lecturer or an English Teacher. I have battled with this for ages ago, since the very first time I started working with the company. There were times when I questioned why the need for this position when everyone else is already getting by with speaking broken English. However, safety issues became a problem for the Chinese crew. They weren’t able to communicate instructions or report emergencies to the officers due to their limited grasp of the language and were all sent to my classes. All of a sudden, I had a job to do again. In a very egoistic sense, I thus become important again. No longer was I the person who’s caught having three cups of coffee within 15 minutes due to lack of work. I was no longer the epitome of “The Good Life” because I was working hard, just like everyone else.

However on this ship, everyone CAN communicate in English. In fact, it doesn’t really matter if they can because half of the crew speak merely Italian. The passengers are mainly Europeans, thus rendering my service worthless and my position, redundant.

If I were to view myself from the outside, I must appear to be pretty pitiful. No friends, no colleagues, no work. Even Randy, the Crew Bartender, took pity on me and gave me free coffees. That is the least I could do: drink.

You have no idea how tiring it is for people to stare at me, peer at my nametag and then ask, “So what exactly do you do? You teach? Which language?”

As of now, I couldn’t start anything, as I couldn’t even get hold of my boss to hand my beeper. There’s much to do but if I don’t have a basic tool of communication, no one could get hold of me and thus no progress. I can’t be sitting in my office the entire day, filing nails.

There are some who actually admired my position, telling me that I’m lucky not to be given anything to do. Well, the thing is, I know I’m supposed to be something.. so it’s harder not to be doing anything when you know you need to do something. I couldn’t really concentrate on reading or writing because I know there’s a job I’ve to do but I can’t carry out…because my job is so dependent on everyone else.

I am very, very, very close to throwing the towel. There’s nothing I can do
Maybe it will change. Maybe when they realize that I’m just gallivanting my time away, they’ll start to pay attention to my work. If not, they’ll just have to kick me out.

He put a dot on the whiteboard and circled it. “You’re all here,” he said in his book that I’m currently reading, The Key. In his book, he wrote about sharing one of his teachings to his staff that runs his Miracles Coaching program.

“Where do you want to go from here?”

Some mentioned up, some said off the whiteboard itself. He then continued to put another dot on the whiteboard, way above the first dot, and asked his staff again, how do they go from where they are to where they want to be. Many suggested take a straight line, do one thing at a time, etc. While he agreed that all of the answers were good, he said the best way to get from one dot to another, is to be grateful for that moment they were in.

“When you are grateful for this moment, then whatever is next for you will bubble out of this moment.” The key to success, apparently is gratitude. It’s about wanting more without needing more. The message simply tells you to be happy now and out will come the miracles you seek.

Meet Joe Vitale, the author of many best-selling books like The Key, Zero Limits, Life’s Missing Instruction Manual and also one of the personalities who had been interviewed for the hit movie that now has a cult following all over the world (including yours truly).

Those who had been familiar with The Secret will also know of The Law of Attraction, something that I’ve been unconsciously practicing over the past few years without knowing what exactly it is. However, I didn’t learn of this gratitude part until I read The Key. It made me think back of my current situation and how many blessings that I should be thankful for.

It made me run down the memory lane and make my eyes grow misty with nostalgia and a strong gratitude. It was safe to say that wherever I am now, was where I wanted to be back then.

In many ways, while I may still complain occasionally about trivial day to day things, I can safely say that I am living a semi-charmed kind of life. My job barely takes up one or two hours a day. As a Crew Lecturer on a renowned Italian cruise ship, my schedule depends largely on my students, who are the crew members that make up the human resource on the ship. Hailing from multiple nationalities, and mainly from China, Philippines, Italy and South America (on specifically this ship), my job is to slot in an hour or two between their work hours so that they can improve their English, and for some, learn English from the very beginning. My wages are high in comparison to my Malaysian mates and I get to trip for one country to another without spending a cent. I get paid to undergo teacher’s training in Italy and am put up in the finest hotel in wherever country they’re sending me. Sure, the job is not without its challenges and the ship life is not for everyone (I’ve seen many had come, have their dreams crushed, packed and never to be heard again)….but hey, 10 countries in a year, without emptying your bank account, champagne for 2 Euros, who’s complaining?

Then, came the question of where did I get such a sweet gig. Now, not too long ago (about close two years now), I started harbour this dream to travel. I was bitten by the wanderbug lust after I returned from Australia and the urge to backpack was strong. It didn’t matter where and it didn’t include the amount of countries, all I wanted to do was wander. But it didn’t sound possible then when I have an empty bank account laughing back at me. So I donned on the suit and bought myself a briefcase, explored the world of PR, but then withdrew from the social circles 3 months later as I thought about the superficiality of it all. However, I had a little more in my bank account than when I started so I did the only crazy thing I can think of.

After bombarding Thorn Tree Forums and backpackers from all over the world with my questions, I found a way to volunteer in Myanmar for free. I was to help out in an English school set up by this visionary Swedish bloke and its organizing team included an Argentinean yogi monk, two Californian travelers, an gutsy Australian girl, a shy New Zealander and an interesting American girl. Mainly, the two Californian dudes, read my email, told me to come over and welcomed me with open arms. They put me up in their very simple apartment where I slept on the moth -eaten mattress and under the mosquito net, for free. We had no fans and sometimes no clean running water. We stayed next to the train station and due to the constant noise, I slept through a bomb explosion once. I learned that true traveling means living simply and learning to live with the locals. I had only 300 USD but I made it stretch for two months. And as Kika and Hibickina wrote in Off The Map, pay a lot and you get an expensive life, take what’s free and you have freedom. I was penniless but I was happy. People offered me food, accommodation, money and support.

Then, money ran out and I had to go back to work. This time, I got a job as a writer in a youth magazine. It was fun when you were the only writer in the team, but it was bad for growth and improvement. I didn’t have an editor to bark at me, crumple my drafts and ask me for rewrites. It was a breezy job but I didn’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to. I still kept in touch with the Argentinean yogi monk. He said to me, “Now that you’ve seen the light, you wanted to go back to the black hole?”

He had a point. My need for constant change, be around different cultures and learn about what the rest of the world is doing was great so I decided to be a member of Couchsurfing, a virtual network for travelers to meet other like-minded people, who believe in a world of hospitality and help doesn’t come with strings attached. Because I didn’t get to roam the world, why not bring the world to my doorstep instead. The Law of Attraction did state that you have to align yourself to your dreams in order for it to manifest physically. In other words, take inspired action and you’ll get results. So after hosting an American child actor, an Italian motorcyclist who biked from Italy to Asia and a couple of others, I met Steve, the wandering American English Teacher. We got along just fine and he insisted that I can do whatever that he’s doing. He didn’t take my laments about my nationality and my sad-looking bank account seriously. He believed in me and gave me lots and lots of information about where and how I should go about it. He thought I spoke better English than some Americans and couldn’t see why I cannot be teaching English. He even lent me some money (a huge sum-to friend that he knew like what-2 months?) and convinced me to quit my job and go. But what truly made the deal for me, was the meeting of another crazy Malaysian who had embarked on the same journey and was trying to do it one more time again. This time, for good. Ed, a fellow Malaysian Couchsurfer(now my best friend), that was introduced to me by KC, in a party, enthralled me with his traversing Europe with only 30 pounds adventure. He ignited the spark of possibilities in my heart. If he can do it, surely I can too.

From Kuala Lumpur to Cambodia: The best CS team ever (L-R-Ying, Ed, Matt, Steff, Nithin)

However, once on the road, life is no bed of roses. I thought, after winning the daddy and friends battle, everything will fall neatly into place but boy was I wrong! I truly wandered. Because I didn’t know where to go and where to start from, I drifted from a place to another, with dreams changing day by day. It was too difficult. My passport, my skin, my gender-everything was a hindrance. An American or European girl like me, could easily find an English teaching job or have people showering them with hospitality while no one’s interested in a solo Malaysian backpackeress. I couldn’t hop on planes with one-way tickets, I was questioned by authorities by my reasons for travelling, bla, bla bla.

When Steve got a job as a Crew Lecturer on the ship, he thought it’s a perfect opportunity for me to jump into the bandwagon. I applied but was rejected. Again, because I’m not an American or a Canadian, and other usual plethora of reasons (usually nothing to do with my experience or qualifications).

So, I CSed all around South East Asia, hoping to find a base where I can get a job as an English Teacher and start on something. Also, while travelling, I was trying to find my ultimate purpose but I found none. Then, I find my heart strings pulling me to Europe namely Holland, where two good friends of mine, that I met while travelling (and over CS) resides. After a lot of rumination and doubts, I bought myself a one way ticket to Amsterdam, only to be rejected by airline authorities on the night of boarding.

“Sorry madam, while you don’t need a visa to go to The Netherlands, you need a return-ticket to your home country.”

Rejected, lost and utterly frustrated, I bummed in Bangkok for about 2 months until the travel agent told me that he can help me purchase a separate return ticket but will cancel it after I arrive in The Netherlands, and all I have to pay is the cancellation fee. It was risky but I had no choice. I couldn’t face the fact that I had to go home so soon.Only 6 months had past and I wasn’t ready to give in. That night, I was allowed to board but I was hassled by customs in Bangkok because they didn’t understand why I was flying to Amsterdam from Bangkok instead of KL. While it seemed perfectly natural for an American, British, Australian, etc to do it, it was strange for them as a solo female backpacker. In their heads, I probably may be a potential illegal immigrant or something. However, I survived that night and what followed after was a perfect Dutch summer where the sun shone and I was drunk on beer and joy. I only had approximately 300 Euros but was taken care by my Dutch friends. Teun let me stay in his apartment for two months, cooked for me, introduced me to The Dutch Life while Stef gave me a mobile phone and a sim card, picked me up from the airport (his own initiative!!!!) and took me out whenever he can. And again, did I grow up with these people? Hell no! I travelled with Teun in Myanmar while I hosted Stef in Kuala Lumpur, yet just after months of traveling together, the two of them were like brothers to me.

Steffie and Teun who took care of me while I was in Amsterdam

However, I couldn’t roam forever. 300 Euros became 100 Euros….I had to do something. Just when that happened, I got an email from the cruise ship company asking me whether I was still interested in the Crew Lecturer position in one of their ships. And as I was already in Amsterdam, I had no problems getting down to Genova (Italy) for the interview.

Alessandro and his girlfriend, Hana, took care of me while I was in Genoa, Italy (before I got my job on the ship)

Now, if I’ve never been to Myanmar, I wouldn’t have met Teun who let me stay in his apartment in Amsterdam. If I wasn’t a member of CS, I wouldn’t have met Steve and I wouldn’t have been convinced to teach English or get the job on the cruise ship. And if I didn’t go to Amsterdam, I would had to pay more to get to Italy.

So if you asked me, I did wish for this, but I also worked and put myself in the position to receive it.

And I’m definitely grateful for being at this dot at this point of time.

I overheard myself saying to the onboard fitness instructor, who also happens to be my good friend, Nick: “You know what, I realise that I’m only happy when I’m a little tipsy. That’s why you often find me in the grumpiest in the morning and happiest in the Crew Bar.” Seems like these days, life on the ship becomes more bearable when I have a glass of Jagermeister by my side. My choice of drink for the night varies. From bubbly champagne to tequila shots, from a Jack Daniels to a Ramazotti, a glass or a bottle of alcohol isn’t expensive at all, especially when crew gets 50% off all drinks. Furthermore, if I have an allowance of 150 Euros each month to drink in the passenger’s lounge. That’s where I’d take good old Nick, a Chesterfield (UK) lad of Canton origin, Niki, the Hong Kong beautician from the spa, and crazy Silvia from the most devious part of Italy and spend my allowance on them. After all, what use is of a good drink without good company?

Getting wasted with Sam, my hostel roommate in Hanoi Spirit House

I started to wonder my indulgence in alcohol, the source of my boredom and of course, where did I start this keen enthusiasm in alcohol consumption. It’s obvious that the constricting life on board may be one of the reasons why alcohol provides my brain a free reign of pleasure while the where….where did I start..made me trace back to the crazy bar (as Kathrin would call it the Wunderbar) beneath Hanoi Spirit House….while I was a mere amateur in drinking. Good memories those..ah…and guys, you are all guilty of molding me into being an alcoholic! I’m serious !!

So, from Hanoi to Bangkok and then Amsterdam and then Italy and now moving around the seas of South East Asia, I don’t think I’ve stopped drinking! Everyone’s amazed on how this puny girl can take her liquour! Gone were the days where I was found sprawled over the toilet floor or puking all over the bar…nay, I’ve progressed. Amazing. And these few months, I’ve been alive and well, still working on the Italian cruise ship.

Getting wasted on board with Moreno (guitarist) and Roberto (pianist)

I am still getting used to the idea of being a teacher but surprisingly, I don’t do too bad. Infact if there’s anything that I could find joy in, in my job, is the teaching part. The rest like working under an Italian management or socialising within this tight network of freaks and sailing weirdos, sucks. Really. I miss those travelling days where I could bump into 5 people and 4 out of the 5 turn out to be the friends that I’d travel forever. On this ship, everyone’s idea of the world and their interaction with their surroundings are the exact of those that I’d find in big companies all over the world. Be it South Americans, Philipinos, Italians, Spanish or Chinese, they think that just because they hang around 10km within the port’s vicinity means they’ve seen the country. They spit prejudices and conclusions that are hardly anywhere near the truth! They’re hardly curious or keen to find out anything else. And you would think, working on a ship, with such varied personalities from all over the world will cultivate this sense of multicultural mindedness. Wrong! It’s the same story again and again-the Italians stick within their own groups;the Chinese, Chinese; Spanish, Spanish..etc. It’s sad to feel so totally unaccepted by a group of people just because you don’t speak their language or share their culture. I cannot even begin to tell you how difficult it is to make friends. No wonder those who tried and failed, now retreat back to their paisanos (countrymen) or became jaded about friendships onboard. It’s a shame that every friendship here is formed based on convenience or with a basis of benefit. As a girl, especially one like me, who enjoys hanging out with the boys, gets the hardest time. They don’t seem to grasp the concept that just because I asked them out to the beach with me doesn’t mean that the invitation would extend to my cabin at night. Must be the doldrums that made their mind overtly imaginative! And whenever I refuse their sexual advances, they would stop talking to me the very next day. It’s a strange world, I tell you.

Having said that, sane and normal people are hard to come by. And if they do, you’d have to learn to cope up with them when they leave once their contract ends. And then, you come to ponder about the concept of impermanence and its wisdom. Like the other day, when a guitarist friend of mine, Fausto, left for his home in Milan, I almost cried. Another precious one leaving. His spirituality and sincerity has always left me gaping in amazement. Someone so Italian yet so zen.

There aren’t many times when I didn’t think of just throwing in the towel and disembarking myself. It can get so stifling, so imprisoning, so depressing. Steve, the guy who introduced me to this job, apologized in one of his emails, stating specifically that he’s sorry if the ship life has corrupted my soul. After 9 months of being on another ship, he’s now a free man, walking the way of a vagabond in The Dark Continent-South Africa. And if anything else, freedom means something indeed, after being on the ship!

Just the other day, I had a tiff with my boss. I totally don’t get the guy-who at first think my position is a joke-made me carry out duties like embarkation and immigration stuff just because he thinks I’ve nothing to do-and then later these days, keeps appearing in my office in the wee hours of the morning, demanding I start. Thus, even though if I don’t work physically for 11 hours, my brain is always on work! From the minute you get up and walk out of your cabin, you’re reminded that you have a job to do and you have to do it. Even at 1am, when you want to retire for the day, you still feel guilty for watching DVDs or just hanging out at the Crew Bar. If anything, I feel like I’m living in an island of fear. The vessel is the epitome of Foucault’s Panoptican. Don’t do anything wrong, else security will get you. Don’t do your work and boss will kick you off. Don’t get on the wrong side of the captain else he’ll also kick you off. Don’t do port manning and they’ll issue you a warning. Use the wrong entries or exits and you may get fine. Fear, fear, fear.

Well, who would have thought, a dream job would turn into a nightmare? On the other hand, being a Crew Lecturer entitles me to a single cabin, and being alone in my cabin does inspire me to turn to pen and paper to express myself. I’ve also been reading tonnes of books and watching a dozen of DVDs. Also been picking up some Italian and Spanish.My Italian vocabulary is no longer limited to swear words and I can carry off a basic conversation with an old Italian signora.

Travelling is also an illusion while working on the ship. Those who proclaim themselves well-travelled after being on the ship for a long time should be ashamed of themselves. Most of these people just get off the ports and go shopping..all they do is hop from one bar to another, one shopping arcade to another, take some photographs, haggle with the local store owners and then return with their trophies and postcards. This bunch of people are unusually narrow minded and boring. They would be the ones who would pooh pooh about a place, sharing with everyone their limited experiences and then claim the country to be as they see it. If there’s anything else I’d like to do, is to shove these people overboard.

Allora- I must be accumulating a lot of bad karma by now since I do nothing but diss my colleagues the whole day. If tomorrow’s sea is rough, I’d know that I’ve evoked their wrath.

I bid everyone adieu, goodnight and when I’m done with this contract, I’ll come around and visit you guys again. Meanwhile, have fun wherever you are and be good.

xxxxx
Ying